


burning star

by aqua_marine



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 17:13:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15868083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aqua_marine/pseuds/aqua_marine
Summary: The children of the Empire contemplate mortality.





	1. Beauregard

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote this directly after ep 26 (so details about Molly's grave and the direct aftermath might be sketchy) and it's just been hanging around, so... take it. Thanks for looking!

Beauregard wakes up to the soft hoot of an owl somewhere among the snow-covered trees above. It's been hard to get a good night's rest for a while now. The four pitiful figures on the forest floor aren't actually sleeping, and they all know it. 

Nott is curled up next to Caleb, who Beau can see has his eyes wide open, staring into the darkness beyond (both literally and figuratively). 

Keg is snoring (not quite convincingly) tightly against Beau's left side. She has grown quieter, not talking so much and leaving the remaining not so Mighty Nein to their sorrows. 

There are only three left.

Every time Beau thinks about that fact, she wants to take some poor unfortunate soul and rip them to pieces, because that fucker took all her friends and he took something from her too and she has so much anger in her heart that she has no idea what to do with.

Beau has her unrighteous fury, Caleb had his bottomless pit of hopelessness, and Nott has her ever faithful alcohol.  
What a mess they make. 

Despite this, she can't give up on them. Molly might be three feet under (they gave him a shallow grave) and they might have lost their heart (and Yasha and Jester and Fjord) but they are the people who have let Beau in and put up with her snappy temper and made her feel wanted for what might have been the first time.

So for that, she will stay. She has to stay. There's nowhere else she wants to be, even though days away there's a patch of freshly unearthed dirt and in Caleb's bag a pile of jewelry that none of them have a right to.

Beau makes a faint noise in the back of her throat and looks around quickly, hoping no one was disturbed. Her eyes feel hot and itchy, and she rubs at them vigorously with a scowl. Crying doesn't solve anything.

There's a rustle and Beau goes for her staff before she realizes it's Caleb, slowly moving Nott onto the lightly snow dusted forest floor. She stays still with the exception of her yellow eyes cracking open for a split second before squeezing shut, as if she's afraid of the world around her.

Caleb makes his way over to sit next to Beau, back against the tree trunk. If she squints she can see the moon shining off the silver string that he obsessively sets every night. 

Caleb glances at her with clouded blue eyes. "It's healthy to cry, you know," he rasps. 

Beau scoffs, probably too loud. "Sounds like bullshit." 

Caleb doesn't try to defend himself. They both look out at the distant darkened shapes, trees and bushes and other things that run about in the night. They had made a campfire right as the sun was setting, since the air is biting cold at this time of year, but it has faded to pulsing embers that look faintly like blood stained on rocks. 

"Did you pray for him?" Caleb asks quietly, staring at the hands Beau knows will always be covered with red. Pray? Beau doesn't pray. Molly can handle himself.

Or could, anyway. Just not well enough.

"I don't pray," Beau says because it's more accurate than "I don't believe in gods". It would depend on what you meant by 'believe'. Sure, Beau knows they're out there somewhere, existing. Does that mean she thinks they will help her when she needs help? No.

She didn't think Caleb put too much faith in higher powers either, but maybe she's wrong.

"I did," Caleb says, not seeming to take offense at Beau's attitude. "I should have known nothing would happen, but I did it anyway."

His frown turns into something a bit more mad, a bit more wild. "Aren't you tired, Beauregard?" 

Beau looks up at the dark sky through the trees. Neither of the moons are visible.

"I'm tired of a lot of things, Caleb," she replies. "And I'm angry, and hungry, and fed up with all this shit. But what are we supposed to do? We can't win, we can't be the heroes." She spits the last word out like poison. "We already tried that."

For a moment, they both stare at nothing that seems like something. Then Caleb lets out that broken, hoarse laugh of his. "Ja," he says. "We're pretty shit at being heroes."

He runs a dirty hand through his hair and looks at her with a haunted gaze. "I think you know what we do, Beauregard."

She does. She knew, ever since she'd met these people, that she would go down with them, for them. She won't rescue Yasha, she won't save Fjord and Jester, but she'll die trying to. And in the end it will be worth it - spending her last breath with people she loves.


	2. Caleb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caleb's side. Thanks for reading!

Caleb can't sleep. Granted, that's usually the case as he happens to be somewhat of an insomniac, but most of the time he can't sleep because he is remembering being in that little chamber where he sold his soul for the ability to feel no remorse.

This time, though, he's up because he has lost someone he cared about and he sat by and did nothing.

Beauregard is a comfort he doesn't really deserve. They have come to a silent understanding, he thinks. The less Mighty Nein are all they have. Beau knows his whole story and so she knows he has no other place or people to seek shelter with. Two lonely humans, they are. And they understand that whatever must be done will be done for their friends. Maybe they will die. Caleb couldn't care as long as he has them again.

He will never have Molly again.

Nott (his sister, in all but blood) goes on and on about how he has so much magic at his fingertips and so much power at his disposal. She's not correct, really, but there is some truth to her words. He can cast spells, he learns more and more every day.

But the one time it mattered he couldn't do anything. 

If only he could see Mollymauk just once more and plead for forgiveness. Maybe. Something tells him he doesn't deserve it.

That's okay. It's just another weight upon his shoulders. All he asks for is to look upon the tiefling's grinning face - alive, not grey and lifeless and so different than he once was.

"Caleb," Beauregard says as she nudges his shoulder aggressively. He flinches. "You need to sleep. I know you're not in the business of really doing that, but for once in your life take a nap. We'll be there when you wake up."

He can only hope that that is true. 

She sounds so confident, so in control. It almost fools him, until he notices her fingers digging into the wood of her staff, blood beginning to well up under her fingernails. He reaches over and sets the hand on the snow at her side, averting his gaze from the drops of blood that stain the white.

Caleb is no stranger to death. Beauregard, not so much. And yet she doesn't stop to dwell on it, to wallow in her tears. She burns and burns with fury that even in the dead of night she seems to glow a little bit. 

Caleb is comforted by this fire. It's a different kind than the one that burned his parents' house down, the fire he can hold in his hand. 

Maybe he's been looking at this wrong. Caleb glances over at the woman next to him, her chin slumped on her chest and eyes closed. Maybe the fire is her grief, he thinks. Maybe instead of drowning like Caleb has done, she will burn herself to nothing but ash.

Either way, they will fight to the last.

Caleb falls into darkness with the heat of this conviction keeping the cold winter air at bay.


End file.
